Life is sh** and then you die?


imageToday I had a chance and momentary encounter that made me think, reminded me how valuable happiness is. I look around me and I know or have known many people who have been dealt a hard knock: they simply get on with it, life just doesn’t seem fair does it? 

Is the fact that I personally know lots of people who have died of cancer or are currently battling cancer a sign I’m over the hill? I stop and look around and I know more than I wish I did. It doesn’t seem right. I don’t remember this problem when I was younger. Is it an age thing?

It seems to happen to the most beautiful of people. There seems no rhyme or reason. Each person battles it with smiles, vigour and fearfulness. I’m not sure how they do it.

The person I chance encountered today said the same thing that I have heard before: I knew for ages, but I didn’t do anything about it. That mystifies me. However at the same time, now the diagnosis was terminal did nothing to damage their smiles of positivity and carefree wholehearted embrace of life. When a person like that walks away you stand there stunned for a while thinking sh**. Isn’t life sh**.

I then went for a swim. And thought lots. I miss racing. I miss it each time I watch my friends go to the next world championships, and report their results on my Facebook timeline. I decided last week that the hand that life dealt me was rather unfair. Why is it that I can’t walk distances unaided, can’t run any more, can’t cycle any more (other than recreational easy pace). Why is it that if I stand too much I suffer terrible pain for 24 hours afterwards, regardless of what I do to ease it? Why is it that I probably couldn’t do what I did just 12 months ago, and in another 12 months will be even more disabled. Why? It’s not fair.

Yet I watched an old GB team mate battle a brain tumour (which has resulted in permanent sight loss in one eye, plus a lot of other side effects) and return to claim her place on team GB then come 6th in the world. Well done her! But how can that be when I’m struggling to walk?! Life is sh**.

I lost my mother, really suddenly to cancer. When I skyped her the day she told me, she also said she had known for ages. Then why not do something!? Life is sh1t.

I lost an old colleague the same way – she was only 34. How can that be fair?!

Then I return to the person I chance encountered today. They were still smiling, still dying their hair crazy colours, going to work, doing all the stuff they loved. If you were standing nearby you wouldn’t have had a clue they were telling me that in fact they were dying. LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

Then I reflected on mine. I have been at total rock bottom – twice. The last time not too long ago. BUT…

  • I have ridden my life of everything I hate.
  • I don’t do anything that I don’t enjoy. That includes my work.
  • I have no regrets. Everything that has happened has led me to where I am today.
  • I’m not exactly rich, but I’m happy.

So, the title, life is sh**. Well is it? I can hand on heart say mine is not, but it has been in the past.

Life is 100% what you make of it, so stop wasting it and start living it.

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