Its safe to say I have had a pretty rough year. It is also safe to say I almost gave up sport at the same time. It is also worth pointing out that my Mum (R.I.P) and my husband have both recently reminded me that I can in fact reinvent myself and I can do whatever I want to do. I was right on the edge, of a breakdown.
I have talked a lot in the past about how running is something that I find therapeutic. recently though, I almost lost my mojo completely. Within 4 days of leaving the UK for good, my mum was diagnosed with cancer. She chose to to tell me for 6 weeks. She died two weeks later. My plane didn’t land back in the UK in time. I never saw her again alive after I waved her goodbye quite innocently in April, promising to return for a holiday next summer.
I have to say I hit rock bottom, and I can sincerely say I know that is where I was. I struggled to see the days through, I struggled to focus, and I didn’t know what I was going to do next. I wasn’t sure how I could carry on.
Of course I had the support of my family, however that didn’t always help me fight the demons in my mind. There were a lot of people that I knew that were very worried about me. Nothing prepares you for what it’s like to lose your mum.
I didn’t do any exercise anything like the 12+ hours a week that I had become accustomed to since I first joined team GB in 2009, but I did take my running shoes with me to the UK when I went back, originally to visit her, but actually, to attend her funeral. Running along the sea wall, stopping to cry, to look at the sea, the birds, try and remember that I should be thankful because at least I am still alive, running saved me. Running is still saving me now.
Running is actually my nemesis. I am sporting a knee injury that will eventually result in major surgery. Running hurts me. But still, whatever type of crisis you are having, wherever you are in the world, running is something that you can always do, as long as you have a pair of shoes.
No matter how low I got, I still took myself out to run. To cycle round a track (when I was able). Just you and the road, nothing else matters.
Exercise has saved me a few times in recent years. It is saving me again.
I will be back, small steps, but I WILL be back.