Budgie smugglers, breast strokers and Loreal flicks


It’s been a hilarious week in the pool, and I have noticed things I have never noticed before, because I am usually too busy motoring up and down the fast lane, then dashing to work!

Instead I have been swimming permanent pull for the last few weeks, as the knee rehab demands no pool swim kicks just yet. In combination with that, the focus has been on technique drills and breath control, rather than sprints, as such. Not too different I don’t suppose, being winter (except for the no legs part!) I also have to finish each swim with an aqua jog session, which is hilarious in itself!

You will sink, surely!

The first time an aqua jog I thought everyone would stare at me and wonder what the devil I was doing. Actually, I thought I would sink! Neither happened, and it was actually ok.

The second time I did it, I climbed out of the fast lane, where I had been having a fracas with budgie smuggler man (story in a minute) and into the slow where the life guard on duty approached me and said ‘excuse me madam, I think you should go in the medium lane to warm down, you will be far too fast for this lane’. I explained what I was doing and he looked at me aghast, asking where my float was, the demanding a demo because he didn’t think aqua jogging was possible without one! (So I gave him a demo!)

Budgie smuggler breast stroking man

When I first climbed into the fast lane, I kind of ignored the breast stroker. There are often neck up breast strokers in the fast lane, who don’t usually get in my way, and let me past at each turn, if not before. This one was different. I came to realise that this guy was breast stroking like he felt like he as going to drown at any moment, with frantic arms and legs flailing rapidly as he worked his way up and down. He always seemed to end up starting just in front after each turn, which at first I dismissed. I caught and passed him easily and regularly while doing pull, pull/ fists and pull/ back stroke. As I was doing 200’s, it wasn’t till finished a set, just as he set off, that I noticed what he was up to.

When I set off again, he was just reaching the opposite end. Plenty of time I thought, expecting to catch him in about three lengths time. When I got to the other end, he was still there, and once again, set off directly in front of me. Each and ever time I sailed past effortlessly, he appeared to be trying frantically to stay ahead of me. Even if he could swim breast stroke properly, logic says that would most likely catch him anyway, as freestyle is a more economically effective stroke.

This didn’t deter him, as he persisted to deliberately set off in front of me, then have to swallow the pride as I sailed past, still only doing pull, a chick passing him being quite bad enough already, never mind one that was only half swimming!

He looked over quite confused then, when I went to the slow lane and began aqua jogging. It was ok though, he had Loreal flick man to play with now!

Loreal flick strutting man

While aqua jogging, things pass by so slowly that you have time to to time all sorts of things, chat to the life guard, and all without stopping at all! So my attention was attracted to a man walked in, the reason being because he chose to strut the whole length of the pool from the entry door at the shallow end, walking the length and breadth of the pool, standing looking at the lanes, deciding which to go with. He was wearing black shorts, slim build, a tiny bit of definition and impressive wavy black locks that looked like they had been blow dried / curled. his hair was long enough to sway as he strutted down the poolside. He decided fast, and got into the lane with budgie smuggler. I was amused to see that he continued to play his waiting game with the new arrival.

How does Loreal flick man swim? Neck up breast stroke, flicking his hair side to side in a swaying fashion the same way that he walked in! I was impressed that it was even possible!

He will never learn!

This week I went swimming at an entirely different time of the week, and time of the day. Guess who is there? Yep, budgie smuggler man! Great, I thought. He hasn’t got fed up with deliberately racing me yet, which amused me even more. I am still on a no legs rule, and this time, I was doing breath control sets. PLUS, there was a well attended aqua aerobics class happening right on the other side of the lane ropes. this still didn’t put him off. I added another skill to my list of successes so far (passing him while doing freestyle, back stroke and all my drills, arms only). This time I also passed him while doing breath control 50’s, and the first time I got past was the time I managed 50m, with the pull buoy, having taken only one breath for the entire 50.

I am sure I will see him again, I can’t wait for the day he is there when I am actually allowed to use legs too!

‘There’s nowt as queer as folk’ my dad used to say!

4 Comments on “Budgie smugglers, breast strokers and Loreal flicks

  1. Pingback: Battle of the Bermuda shorts: life from the slow lane « Melanie Ryding – Ryding2Health BLOG

  2. Pingback: Battle of the Bermuda shorts: life from the slow lane « Melanie Ryding – Ryding2Health BLOG

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